Saturday, August 29, 2009
A Great Piece of Advice for Wives
My friend, Jennifer Bell, wrote this wonderful email re: being a pastor's wife. Her husband Brad Bell planted The Well Community Church in Fresno, CA over 5 years ago. Jennifer was a college girl when I met her and, I have watched her "bloom" into such an amazing and wise woman of God. These words not only apply to being a pastor's wife, but, to any of us who are blessed to be married and, to those of you who long to be married one day. Jennifer truly speaks truth here and, I hope you can glean from it, as I have.
1. FLEXIBILITY. I decided to get pregnant the week prior to planting the well, so when the baby came, my man took , oh, hmm, I believe ... 2 days off? let's just say I wasn't real happy.. I mean, I was definitely up for eternal perspective and the "greater good".. but it sure didn't show in my attitude! so to expect to be a single mom for a season and do it with a joyful heart is certainly helpful..
2. PERSPECTIVE. read good books (including your Bible!). I have really benefited from books.. some of the best being "Created to be His helpmeet" (Pearl) and "High Call, High Privilege" (Macdonald). and "Calm my anxious heart" (dillow). We need to be constantly reminded of the big picture. DO NOT attach yourself to negative people.. especially if YOU tend to see things half full.. remember the verse about the corner of the roof? I have seen men forced out of ministry due to a bitter wife's faucet dripping acid onto his ministry. If you can find a fellow ministry wife who is positive about the experience, buy her lots of gifts and don't let her out of your sight!
3. SELFLESSNESS. If you truly desire to be a support to him, you can't get obsessed with the question "what have YOU done for ME lately?". .. Brad told me to expect a tremendously busy first year.. MAYBE two.. well, here we are seven years later.. probably much busier than we were then.. so settle in, and learn to enjoy the ride. Find ways to connect with him in the midst all that he's juggling and be a place of refuge for him. (you'll know when you're doing a good job if he speaks sweetly about you in his sermons and he doesn't have to ask permission to use your latest blowup as an illustration : ) FOCUS on the benefits of your lot in life.. NOT the negatives.. don't compare yourself with your girlfriends who may have more money than you do or live in a bigger house....compare yourself with the poor widow in Africa who has to walk five miles each morning to draw dirty water for her children to drink before she has to leave them to fend for themselves while she walks another 3 miles to the marketplace to sell trinkets totaling $1 for the week..
4. INTIMACY. Try to remember that your hubby is stretched in a hundred directions trying to wear way too many hats, all the while attempting to look competent in all of them.. He has to juggle so many things.. so take care of him physically. There are so many books out right now about a man's need for physical intimacy.. read them. He is already feeling the weight of the world.. knowing everyone is sizing him up. If you communicate deeper than words that YOU think he is desirable, he will have much more strength and confidence to forge ahead. This also helps him get in touch with his ability to meet you in your own need of love and affection..
Thank you Jenn for sharing...
Posted by Beth Bryson at 9:30 AM